Protected: The Magic is never lost.

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So This is It. Bring It on, Bitch.

No. This is not a bit like what you initially think it is, this is not one of those “i-hate-you-please-die-now” entries, for me this is of greatest academic relevance. Yes, this is a blog about my future education in the Victoria University of Wellington, this a blog about my future. I was serious about the previous, the latter was an exaggeration — or maybe not.

Well, as most of you know, or maybe all of you, I am now in Wellington, New Zealand. And this is more than just your average family vacation, I (and my family) am legally entitled to stay here for six years, or less or more if I prefer. At first I was reluctant to come here because I was so utterly frightened and daunted by the threats of culture shock, and more importantly because of emotional reasons I need not point out, but eventually gave in to the idea because I know (through the REPEATED attempts of my mom to enlighten me) that being educated here is an opportunity less likely, if not rarely, given to anyone. Actually, my coming with her here was as inevitable as the sun because even if I hadn’t consented to coming with her, she had already decided within herself that she did not want any of us to be left in the Philippines, even if I had to repeat my studies all over again. Initially, our supposed destination was New York, and I already told her that I would go ON THE CONDITION that I would and SHOULD only be enrolled in the Culinary Institute of America. Back then, I had the greatest liking to finish a culinary degree. Yes, I had the passion for cooking, and yes, I still want it until now, but no, I am not pursuing that dream anymore because there are far more important things to consider than passion alone. You might think that it was  a selfish proposition, partly it was, but it can be justified by the fact that I was about to leave two something years of my studies here and my life and because that time going to New York was a bit short-noticed, if that pushed through we should’ve already left the Philippines by July, 2008. And that time of deliberation was January of 2008. And you now how time can fly sooo fast. I would have to say that I was more horrified by the fact that I will leave everything in the Philippines on such a short notice — it would have been very emotionally frustrating and painful for me. I was so relieved when my mom turned down that offer for New Zealand. And given now that New York is ground zero for the on-going economic crisis, thank God we really didn’t go there!

So now, we’re here. We didn’t get to have at least a year to prepare for going here, but compared to the could’ve July departure, November was better.

When we first arrived here last December, my first and most important objective was to arrange for my studies here. I first went to Vic roughly about two weeks after we arrived, and I was pretty much crawling in the dark because I had no idea what I had to do, hence the series of unfortunate events after. Well, during that time, I relied fully on the information given to me by the receptionist in the Enrolment Office, I filled up everything he asked me to do, and so forth. I should’ve known better. I was aiming for a transfer of credit which after an agonizing amount of wasted time I found out that he didn’t give me the proper instructions. AND! When I submitted my documents the first time, I was asked to wait a couple of weeks, I followed it up when I received no feedback and that was only when I found out that somewhere along the way my papers got lost. He said he could find it for me and find out what happened, but so much time was thrown to waste and I had to get my papers going because that was already January, and I still had no clue as for what to do. I furnished them with a new copy of those papers, and that time became wiser and asked him to give me a receiving copy of it so I’d have proof that I’d already given it to them for the second time.

Well, after that it got me so far as now. After a long wait and countless times of getting lost inside the Kelburn campus, yes there were a lot of dead ends there, I was succesfully able to cross credit my units from UP and am now a 200-level (a degree has up to 300-level courses only) student of Bachelor of Arts with, hopefully, a double major in Psychology and Sociology with a double degree in Bachelor of Laws.  Wow, that was wordy. I only need to do about two years more to finish this BA.  And I have no concrete plans YET of finishing that Law degree, I will take the core papers for Law but my priority is the BA degree. The combined LLB/BA takes about five years to finish, I have the luxury of time, but I don’t have that much resources, if you know what I mean. My  21st birthday is, gender-wise, my debut, and that was a joke, which will also mark the removal of my diplomatic privileges. Sadly I won’t have diplomatic immunity anymore. SUD. JOKE. And that would also mean that I would have to pay International Fees if I were to continue studying. Roughly it amounts to 15,000-25,000 New Zealand Dollars per academic year, when I turn 21 I still have about two years to go for the Law degree and where in the world would I get that amount of money!? And why in the world would I burden myself with such a financial yoke when I could already work when I finish the BA?! Hell no! I need a return in investment as soon as possible. I am aiming for a time when I can study without paying anything here, and that is possible. Just a brief trivia, all the people I know here who are studying like me and who are already PRs of NZ have not paid anything to study because they can loan it + free monetary allowance from the government and their parents have, eversince they became PRs, not spent a single centavo on them. True. You want financial freedom? That was that.

So, to close, the course that my life is taking is towards a BA with Psychology and Sociology (With special mention of JDM! Damn you!) double majors. I want to finish that Law degree but I can’t set that as my top priority now, if only I have the money. I don’t want to burden my mom with it anymore, she is more than willing to pay for it, BUT it’s too much. I really won’t allow her too because she could just spend it on herself. I have to stand up on my own feet, aye?

PS

For this marked development in my enrolment in Vic, I would like to thank sincerely

my Mamee Bear (for providing the course outline that led to a credit of one 300-level course. Yey! and Tita Tricci! My, hopefully, mother-in-law),

CM Postre! (sorry naman kung ginising kita at kinulit ng pagkaaga aga.. at sobrang salamat kasi sobrang niasikaso mo kaagad *hug*),

Dongca Bawal (salamat dongcs sa pagscan ang send nung marameng course outline! *hug*),

Rona Dalistan (sorry dun sa fs comment na medyo bitter:)) pero sobrang salamat sa tulong ha? lalo na sa concern:D),

Irene Dizon (Ate I! Salamat sa pagreply sa email ko:D),

Unnamed people (kung sino man kayo.. sa mga tumulong sa kanila para masend sakin yung mga outlines:) i love you all!)

Sobrang salamat.. kung hindi dahil sa inyo.. nako, dead na deads na ako :O Sobrang salamat! Mapapabilis na ang pagraduate ko:) weee!

Goodbye Tax-Free Life!

I don’t know why I’m so happy that I am getting my Inland Revenure Number soon, similar to our TI Number. While MOST people hate it when that day when a part of the money they worked hard for is forcefully taken by the government, I think I am loving this day. Well, actually I don’t have my number yet, I just passed a while ago the required papers for them to process it. But the feeling that in less than a week’s time I am going to be an official TAXPAYER makes me uber happy. This is a step to liberation for me, at least financially.

I think I have the NZ government to thank for because although I will be an official taxpayer soon, I won’t have to pay a single cent YET until after four years. New tax residents get 49 months tax exemption. Oh yeahba!

The thrilling part of it is that I went to the post office to file it myself, without my mom telling me to do so and without her helping me (although, I asked her to photocopy my papers because we have no copying machine here). Her friend was the one who told me that I needed it if I get a job, because it will be for my income tax. I was so excited that it didn’t even bother me that I had to walk all the way from home to the post office (which is something like from Rob Manila to Binondo Church, and add slopes similar to that of Baguio) just to hand everything in. After getting my receipt for it, I still had the energy to walk to a store and shop. Then walk back home.

I know that it’s a sign that I’ll really soon be leaving the “teen” life, earlier because I am exposed to a culture that considers 15 to be a working age, but I guess there’s no other way than this. Instead of being threatened by the fact that deductions will haunt my income forever, starting from that time I am issued that number, I am just really overjoyed that I am here now. Honestly. I can’t wait to receive that card in the mail!

You’re Not Making It Easier.

How I wished my next blog would be about something fun.. I so long wanted to post a blog that doesn’t give my frustrations away, or me actually. But damn, why do you have to fucking ruin everything?

What wrong have I done to you and your family? What has she done to you that you make life miserable for her more than you make yourself likeable to her? Shit. I thought it would all be fine, I must say that what transpired really got me from behind. I never thought it was coming.

I guess it was my fault. I put her in this position. Because of me she cries at night. I sent that letter. But why did you have to open something that’s not yours and read it all the way? Birthday mo? Over and over again. Why do we have to go through this situation over and over again. Everytime this happens I get frustrated, she gets frustrated.. Are you happy? YOU’RE NOT MAKING IT ANY EASIER. Can’t you understand and FEEL that it’s already hard as it is, she bloody cried and broke down in front of you. You even comforted her. I have nothing against you, I respect you, but I just can’t understand why she is such a big deal to you. There were more times that I comforted her about you than when she was telling me fun stories about how thoughtful you are. You’re nice, I know, but you can also be really mean – and the latter occurs most of the time. God help us. When will the world stop being homophobic. This is no crime, nothing wrong is being done. Accepting that some people are actually happy and are happily in love with each other doesn’t make you a bad person.. So why can’t you just accept it? I am taking care of her as much as I can, why do you have to condemn this this much? Can’t you see where we are right now? We’re trying to pull through this for a reason, same reason you’re still together, same reason you’re married.

I can’t tell you how much frustrated and agitated I am. I feel her pain, and it pains me more than knowing that you know about us already. Would you rather she have a heterosexual relationship where she is not happy? I am not saying that she can’t be happy with anyone, but she is sticking with me right now for a reason. We both are comitted to this. I have been doing all that I can, if you could just feel what I feel for her right now. I was hoping you’d know about it when I can already provide for us, that way you won’t have anything to say about us. All of this is uncalled for.

I just hope and pray you won’t do anything stupid. Especially to her. I know how ruthless you can be. Please, with what I hear from her now, you’ve changed. I hope that change is enough to make you more rational.  Just please don’t hurt her.

We can’t turn back time and I can’t take that letter back. It was intended to make her happy, not make all of this more of hell. If it comes to a point I wish you wouldn’t let it be, must I tell you that all the more will I fight for her. I won’t give up. I hope neither will she, I hope you won’t make her. I hope you realize how much we must be in love that we agreed to go through this, I hope have at least an idea about the pain we’re going through – just to be happy together someday. I hope you realize that we deserve to be happy. I hope you realize that there is nothing wrong with this. I hope you realize that she’s already going through so much pain. I hope you won’t make her home her own prison. I hope you take care of her more than you oppress her. I hope you can read this. I hope I can tell you face-to-face that I love your daughter. I love her. She loves me, that is enough to fuel me to work harder for this relationship. You’re one needle I’d happily go through, no matter how hard it is, just for that future we can share together. I really wished you wouldn’t, but if it comes to that point, I’ll endure it. My love will give her strength when you weaken her, as her love does to me.

Why. When I’m not there. I can’t even hug her to comfort her. She can’t even hug me to comfort me. Words will never be enough to tell her how much I love her.

…

I’m sorry you have to go through this. Just please know that I won’t give up on us, I am determined to make that someday happen with you. You know I am. You know I do. You know I can’t lose you.

WUI (Writing Under the Influence)

A glass of Red Wine.

I know some might think its exaggerated to get drunk by just a glass of red wine. But alcohol is not a friend of mine, it never was and never will be, I think. A glass of even red wine has already caused me to palpitate, to be dizzy, and to hit walls while walking. It’s an irony that I am right now still capable of writing this blog when I must tell you that I can hear every beat of my heart as it puonds to my chest. Poor me, while many crave alcohol and it becomes their staple drink, the slightest amount of it can lead me unconscious. And this is no joke.

I am an abstainer. Really. Yes, there have been times that I drank like once or twice A MONTH but it has never been more than that. After those relatively occasional drnking habit of mine were rare drink sessions. Or none at all. Maybe that’s why I never get used to alcohol being inside my system. My body never got used to it because I never let it be.  And to add to those rare occasions is the fact that I cannot drink more than two glasses of anything with alcohol, be it a punch or a straight shot of tequila. I have low threshold for it, and sadly I think that’s the way it will be so long as I live.

Recently, I’ve been inflicted with a rather common ailment that cannot be healed, just the frequency of its attack can be lessened through good diet. I have Reflux and I am hyperacidic, would you believe at this age I am. So i have to veer away from certian types of food if I don’t want my soft tummy to get hurt. Mind you, I am not having a hard time preventing myself from drinking alcohol, besides vodka and tequila, I never really fancied the taste of alcohol, at all. Beer is just to bitter for me. But with this new infliction of mine, I am also expected to letting myself eat most of the food I really love. I dont need to mention them, you know the feeling when the food you love suddenly becomes prohibited in your diet. 

But that is not why I wrote this blog. I do not want to talk wholely about my self-inflicted afflictions (apparently, my previous diet caused the reflux and the hyperacidity). But I want to talk about my regret as to why I just cannot get myself used to having alcohol in my body.

At this point, I must say that I am really very dizzy and I am having difficulty breathing. This is also a common side-effect of alcohol for me, I palpitate and I asphyxiate, a little more than slightly.

I regret that my body can’t handle too much because most people use it to escape things, I cannot. Heck, I can even write a blog while I’m actually not feeling “well”. I envy those who can, because they have outlets for feelings they don’t want to feel. Sometimes I wish I get so drunk that I would just sleep the whole day after, but unfortunately since I cant drink much, it will not take more time to get it out of my body. 

I am REALLY palpitating now. Too strong and too loud the heartbeats.

You could say that right now I am really frustrated because I am trying to escape a feeling I don’t want to feel. I never really resort to alcohol but right now I did, how desperate I am. Most of the time I can relieve this kind of feeling by rationalizing it, but now even that mechanism is insufficient to release me of the stress.

I rarely get this kind of feeling, but I’ve felt it before. I guess I’ve felt this a lot of times before but I just don’t let myself be preoccupied with it because it’s really destructive, especially in my kind of situation. But right now, I don’t know, drinking that glass of wine is already proof that I let the feeling overcome me.

This is, for me, being drunk.

I don’t expect this blog to make sense. 

Don’t get me wrong, before this, I face my stressors somber.

I just wished I could drink more, 13% of alcohol seem to not be enough. 

I just want this to be over.  I don’t expect any apologies, I am not the type to let people feel guilty for things that bother me.

May I just say that today has SHIT all over it.

Oh Sausage!

A funny thing happened to me today. Or to the towel. It was a first for me being a newcomer here in New Zealand!

I got the frozen sausages out of the freezer so I can thaw them before I cooked them. I placed it on top of the towel so the melting ice won’t cause spills on the counter top. When I got the sausages to cook them despite the obvious non-thawing state I laughed when I pulled it from the towel because the part where it was froze! So much for the cold weather.:))

I never encountered that in the Philippines before maybe that’s why it was so amusing for me. Sorry naman. Hindi uso sa Pilipinas nagtatagal na yelo e! Dito kahit one hour mo ng nilabas sa freezer, wala lang, yelo pa rin siya.

I’d like to share that during our camping trip in Mt. Holdsworth during the Christmas season, I was also humored when I got ice out of the cooler and some fell on the grass, the whole night we were there playing cards and binge eating and so were the ice cubes. Obviously, that was how cold it was!

Sorry, first timer sees much.:D

I Stand Corrected.

I realized that I have been much too pessimistic about the way I described my current (now, past) state of being (I kept it below for your reference*). That was how I described myself the first time, very much turning away from every opportunity of happiness. I thought I didn’t deserve it now just as much as I doubted my worth when I was still in the Philippines. I realize now that I was wrong.

Maybe the truth I have to face is that happiness felt here will not be of the same degree had it been shared (physically, of course) with the person I really want to (not implying that I am not happy with the people I’m with here, and this is the point of this blog) and would love to have shared those moments with. I know I also will not be spending the rest of my life in the same roof with my family (unless.. Oh no.. Uh-oh. Aye Caramba!), that someday I would have to stand up on my own (and for two) and take care of myself (with high hopes, us). That knowledge led me to consider and ponder hard upon how I really wanted to describe my emotional state and how I like my perspective in life to be. Although I blame life to being unfair, I begin to discover that I have double standards for unfair.

While I am getting ready for the rest of my life, days left with my family (living with them at most) are numbered. Im 18, it won’t be long until I graduate University, so any moment sooner or later I would technically be “moving out.” I love my family and, although we have a lot of fighting moments, I will miss them someday. I was guilt stricken when this notion came into conscious, I still am that is why I resolved to correct my very self-centered impressions and to withdraw my previous statements, especially those about life and happiness. I am not saying I don’t have the right to be sad, but I don’t have the right to condemn life as a whole for the sadness, either.

I will live in the present and will not be taking anything for granted, especially not anyone.

If you’re wondering what I would replace it with.. Just look down.

I have to face everything while I’m awake, or else it will haunt me in me dreams. I will let sleep be my grande rest after another day of being and a time for me to continue my daydreams. I can’t wallow in life’s sadness if I want to live until that someday, stress kills you know. I will let happiness take me where it wants to, but I will never let a moment pass by without thinking about who really makes me truly happy or what or where or when. As much as I want to be with that person right now, I will let my daydreams take me to where she is, and will hope that she will meet me halfway. Everyone deserves to be happy and I am part of everyone. She is. We both deserve to be happy together (today, everyday, and someday) or apart (right now, physically. I still have a goal for us to be reunited). Needless to say, my Happiest Place on Earth is still with you.

I have every reason to be happy because I am loved, here and even from a long distance, and I love.

Pain is good. Pain lets you know you’re alive. I am happy that pain is around.

*There are some things you just can’t face when you’re awake. I thank the times I’m asleep for it provides an escape from the reality that pushes me down every time I think about it. Everyday is but another day to wallow in life’s unfairness. For now, that’s the way it’s going to be for me. Until that someday I know true happiness and I will not cross paths.

“The Happiest Place on Earth is with you.”*

To A Merry Christmas.

This must be the saddest Christmas I’ll ever have. This is far worse than being single on a Christmas day. Being in a relationship that has been, by far, resilient to the sudden changes but no matter how strong it has become so far, the fact remains that we can’t give each other even a kiss or hug as greeting for the yuletide season. And what could hurt more than listening to a song we dedicated to each other, from a cd she gave me as her Christmas present last year, and danced slowly and very closely to when I played it immediately after she gave it while I type this blog. Somehow I can’t help but be bitter with everything that I have here, no offense to where I am and our living conditions, but this will never be enough to give me the happiness she could give me if she were here. Or if we were together right now.

The worst moment I had to struggle with this Christmas eve was when we were in my mom’s friend’s house, where we spent the noche buena. Another friend of my mom started to play the piano. At first she was just playing happy Christmas songs, which made us all smile that it was Christmas already. Then, as it is inveitable that at a certain point of this night I would start to be sad and not recover from it until christmas day wass over, she played White Christmas. She played it slowly and every note that played from then on hit me.. hard. I was sitting near the piano, and while all the others were singing to it, I was fighting with all my might the tears that were threatening to fall. Or should I say flow. They were happy because their family were there with them, and although I was too, there was an emptiness within me which I know can only be filled by one person.

I know what this season means, I know the true meaning of it. I went to church before we went to the noche buena, and I am so thankful that Jesus came to save us from our sins. Don’t also think that I am ungrateful that I got to spend this eve with my family, I am also thankful for that. But as I said, there’s still that emptiness I feel because a great part of me was left in the Philippines. It was just that while all the other people were spending this christmas together, we were apart. So much apart. We love each other. Although we would do anything to be together, we can’t. Not in the next four Christmases at least. Hopefully this number is an overestimate. 

Imagine how hard it had been to struggle with all the tears that were already forming in my eyes. When I thought it was controllable already, wow she played I’ll Be Home For Christmas. If that’s not adding insult to the injury then I don’t know what it is.

When I allowed the lyrics to sink in a little, the more I found it difficult to contain my emotions and my longing for her.

And I can’t let it happen that time, I thought of just going outside and let it all just pour out but that I can’t even do. Even the weather stopped me from doing so. The past days have been very rainy here, and it’s not the kind of raining we have there in the Philippines. The normal raining here is like a signal 1 typhoon in Manila (or perhaps before the signal 1 warning is raised, because it seems that PAGASA is always late). And add the strong COLD winds. At this point of my body’s adjustment here, I could still freeze to death outside. 

The final, and apparenly effective, thing I did was to block away the thought of Christmas.

During that moment I realized one thing, I can’t be truly happy with Christmas while we’re apart. The only thing that kept me from breaking down was to not think at all of Christmas. You get the point.

Let me just clarify that I don’t hate Christmas. I just can’t face it right now. I am still too weak.

This Day 18 Years Ago.

I know now is not the best time to be writing something like this but I guess there’s no stopping for me now. Two posts have already gone by with me telling you that we are not in the best situation two people in a great relationship should be. But I also told you in the last two posts that I am far away from giving up this person I am with, for the same reason that I will come back for her once I’m done with all I should be doing here in New Zealand. I recognize that years apart is not good for any relationship. Some people have tried to overcome the distance and kept the relationship and many have failed. But there have always been the exceptional couples who have made it through seemingly countless days apart only depending on the power of technology to bridge the gap between hundreds of miles of seas and lands. Some didn’t even have the privilege of using these modes of communication we’re accustomed to right now but they were able to hang on to it until the time they were reunited came to a reality. I have always admired the commitment of couples during the war(s). Imagine being separated suddenly without knowing when or if the better half will ever return, and being overjoyed by occasional letters received without knowing first if opening it would bring a good or bad message. They were just happy that they were reassured of the other’s continuing existence despite the violent and vigilant nature of their surrounding. Doesn’t it always bring you to tears when you watch wartime movies where the guy, after being forced to fight for their country, returns after God knows how long and knocks on the door, the woman then answers and is shocked after seeing a miracle in front of her, and they just hug tight for some time while kissing so passionately? Those moments are priceless. There is nothing better in this world than to be able to come back to someone who loves you so much and who continued to love you despite not seeing you.

I am one of the many who is wishing that that day of reunion will come true. Although we get to talk and text and communicate a lot of times through the day, no one will ever argue that nothing compares to being able to touch each other skin to skin and being able to hear through your ears the words coming out of the other person’s lips. Although you know love does not grow by times when circumstances are advantageous for the relationship but at times when its strength is tested. At times when the halves are left to reflect on what they are really feeling and if their actions have been a clear reflection of how shallow or how deep their feelings are for the other person are times when love is pushed to its limits and it is those times that give an idea whether it’s one for keeps or for weeps. It is still hard to face those times, it’ll never be easy going through it — i am telling this to everyone right now.

I say this now because I am in the position to. I have the right to tell you that it is hard, especially when times likes this come. This day 18 years ago, the person to whom my love is being tested by not just days but years of not being together was born. I thank God she was. The happiness I feel about the day of the epiphany of my loved one will always be greater than what I will feel when it is my own birthday. I don’t care if I don’t get to celebrate my own birthday just as long as I get to make her feel how loved she is on her day. I think I am privileged to say that I am really selfless when the people I so love come into consideration, that is why with this simple gesture I want her to feel how I sincerely want her to be happy today.

The eighteenth birthday is generally considered the rite of passage for every woman. That’s why the people around them make it a point that these soon-to-be full-grown women remember this day with smiles on their faces and tears running down their cheeks. I guess that is why it has become a great deal to the women themselves. Although some would still prefer the simple and low-profile gestures on their birthdays and some would spend months and months of preparation for a night of 18-all-you-can-think-of, the celebrants want this day to always be different. Maybe not special but different.

She wanted it different. I wanted it special. But circumstances stop me from making it so.

But this will not hinder me from making her feel that I wanted this day to be a happy day for her.

So this blog I dedicate to her. To you.

I could still remember so vividly that day I met you. It hadn’t in the slightest hit me that you were someday going to have a big impact on my life, and that’s something irreversible now.

I guess I’m not the only person in the world who considers Tokyotokyo as a very special place, or if I am then there’s no reason to be ashamed ’cause I am sharing the importance of it with someone so wonderful. It’s not something everyone knows but I met her in the middle of my courtship with someone else, well it was something informal so I wouldn’t really call it courting but I was making the move on her. I was invited by my blockmate/barkada to their block lunch ’cause at that time she was their block coordinator, actually I forced her to invite me because I believed that proximity really does amount to something, and it was in Tokyotokyo.

I still remember the seating arrangement, the girl I was “courting” was seating at the edge of the table, I was beside her, she was seated in front of her, I was seated in front of another then future friend. You can more or less get the sitting arrangement, it was just a simple square. Anyways, I ordered a salad then, and I think the girl I was “courting” (we shall now operationally refer to her as C) ordered a rice meal which she then so slowly and demurely ate. I was staring at her that time admiring her pace and the way she looked, mind you she is very pretty herself, and the way she really really slowly sliced, spooned, and guided the spoon to her lips. Oberservant much? Nah, at that time I just really admired her. But I was then having second thoughts, you know that feeling when something is wrong. Honestly, although I know I could pursue C, I have reservations which I was only able to comprehend months later when we were already together. Going back, as I was staring (sorry) I glanced away and immediately I saw the two people in front of us apparently also looking at her and also observing how she ate. And they were mocking her slightly, not offensively but they were giggling. So ever being pacute, I told C smilingly that they were noticing the way she ate (they knew I was telling her by the way, so I wasn’t sneaking on them) and she looked at them and blushed. I smiled smugly and looked at them. And that’s when I noticed her, I had a slight crush on her right away but dismissed it as such that time because I have this thing of being loyal even when the circumstances doesn’t call for it yet. I hate cheaters and I am not a hypocrite so when I kind of choose someone for myself, I tend to not look away anymore and ignore others altogether.

And this is where I cut it. I was really going to tell you how I met her right? And this is all I need to tell you to justify why Tokyotokyo is so important to me. The turn of events after that faithful day of introduction (I didn’t include it there but we were introduced because my friend introduced me to the block) made me lose so much interest on C and made me more and more interested and attracted to her. All my reservation went away and it felt right from then on and presently. I believe that when you’ve found someone and it feels so right and everything has fallen perfectly into place, it’s hard to resist the temptation of falling over and over again in love.

Happy birthday!

I hope that when you read this you will feel how lucky I feel that you’re always there for me, and how thankful I am. When you’re sad I hope that you take time to read this and realize the magic you’ve brought into my life and that which has stayed until now. The magic is still here. It has always been.

Don’t be too sad for me ok? Always remember that our distance from each other does not in any way decrease the momentum of my feelings for you. Everything you have been doing only causes it to be stronger than ever before.